Excited and Scared
I’ve refrained from writing about this until now, because I wanted some time for it all to settle in. But I have embarked upon two big projects that are really exciting.
The first is that I am officially in Week 3 of The Artist’s Way. Sort of the book form of a guru for creative types, this is a 12 week personal course meant to unblock my creativity and restore my artistic freedom.
The second is that I’ve enrolled in a health coaching course called Soul Body System. This is an 8 week group workshop meant to heal and nurture our relationships with food and with our bodies.
So excited. So scared.
But I have been seeking a way to deepen my soul-searching for a while now. I have this whole string of memories, these deep moments of clarity, self-awareness, and community (or literally communion) with others, starting with youth group events in high school- the Antioch Retreat and the National Catholic Youth Convention. My yoga teacher training was my last big hit, a jolt of consciousness, high on self-love. If I’m a junkie for anything, this could be it.
I just read in The Artist’s Way that you start with the what you want, and let the universe take care of the how. (Not to be confused with another book I’m reading, Start With Why, which says begin with the why you are doing something and let the how and the what naturally follow. Oof) And I knew that in this case, my what was to peel back that next layer of my self/soul/psyche/ego/etc. I didn’t realize it’s what I wanted until I attended a workshop about Soul Body System. And me, who refuses to even spend money on a $10/month gym membership, gleefully handed over my credit card to sign up. I didn’t realize until I picked up The Artist’s Way off my shelf one day, where it had been sitting for probably 7 years, untouched, and opened the cover. The how just happened.
And as for the why- I recently had a conversation with my dear, dear friend Erica. We were talking about all of this new stuff I’d just taken on, and that two programs at once is a bit daunting (although, I have come to realize, this is just part of the Kristen Sweeney Story. I’m good with it.), and not something that everybody in my world gets or understands. But to me, it has always been clear: when an opportunity arises to work on myself, to feel better or truer or closer to something that is valuable to me, it’s a no-brainer to jump. It might take years of hemming and hawing, of excuses and peeking over the edge, but eventually I will wake up one morning, quietly certain that today is the day to leap.