Every Single Day

Every Single Day
Every Single Day

I showed up for myself on the mat today.

I am afraid, perhaps, to let it be easy. I insist on saying it’s “tough to find the time,” insist on being “so busy,” on the brink of being “overwhelmed” by the fullness of my life.

And honestly, sometimes I am.

It’s so easy to rush onto the next thing. Alone today outside of the city, with an entire studio to myself, I had to fight the urge to rush through my yoga practice. Even with no obligations, the need to ask “what’s next?” lingers.

The realization that I don’t have to be perfect never stops feeling momentous. To understand, in an empty room, that to wish myself at the end of my practice, to wonder if I’ve done enough rounds of pranayama, to look forward, strangely, to the industriousness of lunch, emails, and phone calls- it’s okay. It is acceptable, and enough, to be not fully present for today. Because fully present or not, I showed up inside of my practice.

Fully present or not, I’ve shown up here to write as well.

I am afraid, perhaps, to let it be easy. I insist on saying it’s “tough to find the time,” insist on being “so busy,” on the brink of being “overwhelmed” by the fullness of my life.

And honestly, sometimes I am.

Yet…it’s not an either/or: Either you revel in your practice or you don’t practice at all; either you revel in your writing, or you don’t write at all. It’s simply that you practice, simply that you write, and some days it’s glorious and some days it’s complete crap. Rather than waiting for the time to be right, can I make NOW be the time, and let the action itself create the right-ness?

That kind of consistency, to be honest, terrifies me. Part of it is that I’ve worked hard to create a life where I have flexibility and freedom, and the prospect of giving that up for daily commitments feels too harsh and rigid. I’m afraid to admit that I might like, even need, that kind of routine or regimentation. Even within the contemplation of such a structure, can I trust myself? It’s as if I need to utilize somebody else’s system in order to validate my routines. How do I begin?

I don’t know where most of my posts will end up when I begin writing them. The working it out is almost exactly what you read on the page. I do know that the word running through my head, its letters looming larger, its ticker tape ever noisier, is “consistency.”

Instead of making a judgment or passing a sentence, I’m simply going to experiment. From today until April 5th (Easter Sunday anyway, which seems fitting enough), I will:

1. Practice yoga every day. 2. Write every day. 3. Sing every day.

Obviously I’ll keep you post-ed (I can think of exactly one person who will enjoy the joke). Until then, what are your thoughts about consistency? Drop me a note in the comments section- I’d love to discuss.

In love and light, Kristen

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