Blow it Up

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Ever have one of those life moments, the kind where you know the situation is comical, the circumstances ridiculous, and that the whole experience would be hilarious- if only it weren’t happening to you?

I makes me laugh (one sardonic “ha”) now and again. It seems that in the last year, I hop-skip-jumped my way from acting, where I felt exposed and vulnerable all the time, to entrepreneurship, where…yep, I feel exposed and vulnerable all the time. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I feel lost and powerless. I wonder how to find more clients, and how to share my message more effectively, and if I’m making any difference at all.

I try to remember to look up, and to listen to the sound of wind in the trees. I remember to feel my chilly fingertips, or the bracing swirl of cold air inside my throat.

I remember that life is the most creative act possible, and that in creating my own I’m doing nothing more than playing around. I’m a kid with a chemistry set, tinkering, tweaking. Occasionally a beaker blows up in my face. Now and then I mix and pour, and yet I get no reaction at all. It’s all a grand experiment. If I knew what I was setting out to discover, there would be no surprises.

I remember that everything, everything, that I define as success is a construct that I choose to embrace. I remember that we invented the concept of money, and of work, and of purpose and passion too. I remember that there is nothing inherently valuable in being famous, on Broadway, in Yoga Journal, able to touch my toes, a size 2, married, pretty, rich, or poor- unless I choose to make it so.

The thought that it’s my choice sets me at ease. It gives me the right to change my mind. It lets me smile, even laugh, when I catch myself obsessing over the latest problem I’ve created. I am at my chemistry set, investigating, curious. If I keep messing around, I’m bound to make magic, like the lava that flows from the mouth of the volcano, elementary school science-project style.

So light up the Bunsen burner kids. Let’s get cooking.

xxoo, Kristen

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